Last post of 2019. This year has been a year of many firsts, many ups, many downs, and a million different emotional directions.

Some people always start the New Year off by saying, “This year will be different.” Well, this year HAS to be different. Let me explain…

This year three major things happened that should have never, and I mean EVER, happened. I won’t go into specifics, as I do like to keep at least some of my life private from the outside world. However, first I let myself do something that took a severe toll on my physical health, my relationship, and my career. Although I have taken the steps to remedy that situation and have only been going uphill since… that situation led into situation number two: utter and complete heartbreak.

No, I didn’t lose said relationship, but lost something that I didn’t know I could lose again. The first time was painful enough, and I will just end this one by saying I’m surprised, yet glad I’m still alive. Hence, this ended up leading to situation number three: risking putting myself back into situation number one and starting the vicious fucking cycle all over again.

Go me, right?

So, since I am a sucker for dates and timelines, and the OCD part of me tends to like things to start fresh, I officially have less that 48 hours to get my shit together, and accept what I have to do in order to better myself, my life, my health, and my relationship. I’ve always been selfish, and indulgent, but I’ve had my fun and now it’s time to make that part of me grow up and move on. I can’t keep blaming that day, and even though this year brought the event on for a second time, I can’t spend the next decade of my life doing the same thing. I honestly don’t feel like my health could survive it – let alone my relationship. It would only be a matter of which one I lose first.

I’m going to do it right this time.