This year has been the year that has given many of us a million reasons to analyze our everyday lives. One of the things making me analyze things, is my dreams.

Déjà vu is one thing, but similar instances that send chills up and down your spine are a whole different story altogether. My dreams have been doing this whole “Cabin in the Woods” thing lately, where everything is pulling a string just small enough to let me know it’s connected to something else. A domino effect, or chain reaction of things. A melting pot of places and people I’ve seen all showing up in my sleep.

The recurring dreams stick with me, for obvious reasons. But recently I had a new dream, that just became a recurring dream (if that makes sense). I had a dream about being in this house; I don’t know why I was there, but I somehow knew the people there. But, even as I knew them, I was uncomfortable, there was something making me feel uneasy. I don’t like these people. There were two of them, both blonde from what I can remember but that still hasn’t been relevant to the rest. I remembered the house when I woke up because it reminded me of somewhere I had been before. The floor plan was unusual, yet familiar. You only know these houses if you grew up in certain areas. I remember the room we were in was downstairs from the main floor of the house. The room was large, but dark, almost dingy feeling. Stuff everywhere. A large window on one wall but curtains drawn. I remember blue carpet. I remember other small details.

Recently, in waking life, I went somewhere. The place seemed familiar at first, but I just thought it was because of a friend’s home I had been to in the past. No connections made. Plus, there were too many mental distractions to think about it.

I had the dream of the house again last night. When I woke up this morning my mind started connecting details from my real trip and my dreams. And I felt queasy. Uneasy again. I’m not going to go further into detail now, but it just left me with this open-ended feeling. Like there’s a door open somewhere, I can feel a draft, but I can’t find it to close it and make the goosebumps go away.

On a side-note, I’m 3 day’s into “Sober November” and so far so good. I mean, the first night was horrible. I didn’t think it would be that bad, considering how monumentally less I drank. But, I’m sure that’s my own body’s way of telling me it’s tired of it. Nothing really motivated me or made me want to quit, I just kinda – did. My brain has always been wired that way. Mind of the bull; stubborn and set in my ways – until I want to move. I’m also taking classes for something important to me right now, so I like having a clear head to study and concentrate. I’m taking this seriously and I need to. I’ve always been independent and this will give me greater opportunity to do so. Plus, flexibility to create my own schedule and career. I may be stuck in this small town for now, but why not take advantage? I’ve already learned so much that can help me on this path, and I know I can put my skills to good use if I focus.

It feels good to be out from under the dark cloud I was stuck with for a while. Winter is coming and I usually get depressed around the end of the year so I’m reveling in the fact that I’m having a good moment right now. Who knows, maybe I can keep it going. I just need to change a few….. habits…… that’s all.