Thank Fuck It’s Friday! I’m exhausted. Mentally. I still have hours to go until I can numb my brain, but at least this means I get to sleep in past 6 am tomorrow. My boredom has become aggravation, and it seems like nothing really keeps me entertained for long. Now, we’re back to another weekend where I know I’ll wake up in the morning with the nagging anxiety of; what should I do today? Fuck. It’s relentless.

I’m currently sitting in my office watching a guy outside take a weed eater to an incredibly sparse patch of weeds that sprouted in between the gravel and the sidewalk. Why not just bend over and pick it up? All the while I’m wishing he would take his short ass across the street and trim the enormous batch that have started to grow in the alley between the two buildings. This, this is where my mind is today. I need better things to do. For fucks sake.

Not even Amazon is piquing my interest lately. Almost anything I want, at my fingertips, all I have to do is wait a few days, but I can’t seem to find anything I actually want to spend my money on. Except maybe shoes… I’ll make a note of that for later. Even the NSFW side of Reddit and Twitter isn’t keeping me entertained. And without giving away too much information as to where I work or what I do, I have jack-shit to do around here, except clean. And I’m sick of cleaning. With the weather changing, the prospect of going outside is looking more and more appealing, except, where the hell is there to go? Everything is closed. I’m sick of drive-thrus. Of the people who don’t know what social distancing means who obviously are confusing feet with inches in measurement. Of the same town and the same, incessant people. Sick of the news and the misinformation people are spreading with their uneducated yet pompous attitudes. In general I’m sick of the boredom and the time I have to be sick about all of these things.

A book sounds wonderful right now. Something to get lost in. Something exciting yet horrifying. That’s it! I need a decent horror movie, to watch at night, with all the lights off. With microwave popcorn slathered in an unnecessary amount of melted butter and unhealthy layers of salt. I know, I don’t know how I’m still alive either. But hey, here I am, turning 35 in just a few short weeks. And they’re getting even shorter with this mundane routine. Maybe I’ll do something physically active, since the last nine months have provided me with a job that allows me to sit on my ass and snack all day. And no, they’re not healthy snacks. I’m a Junk Food Queen. Yea yea… I’ve heard it. Believe me.

I miss water. I miss the beach, the sand, the waves, the smells, even the annoying seagulls. I miss California in ways that no place else could ever replace. However, I do not miss the traffic, the rude people, the smog, and the cost of living. But it did have some incredibly beautiful, lush, green, amazing places. Here, it’s nothing but dirt and dead trees and the people in this town look just like the surrounding wasteland. It does have its perks; considerably less traffic, wide open spaces, wild horses and cattle… I’m starting to believe that all of the times I was told in the past that I’ll never be happy were correct. No matter what, I’ll find something not to like about it. I’d give anything to feel wet sand between my toes and salt water swirling around my ankles. To be able to look out over the water and not see a single glimpse of land, just wide open ocean. That would be my version of heaven right now, if there was one.

Instead, I’ll have to settle for a man-made hole in the earth filtered and filled with water, with the land on the other side clearly visible and constantly reminding you it’s not real. I guess it’s better than nothing.