It’s only been one month since my last post and the world has changed so drastically in such a short amount of time. I feel like I am at the introduction of an apocalypse novel.

To anyone who might actually be reading this, I don’t think I have to explain the current state of affairs right now – that is, unless you’ve been literally living under a rock and this happens to be your first day on the internet. I’m also not going to go into details because I am mentally and emotionally exhausted from everything that has happened, and the rapid escalation of it all. Winter is over, the snow has melted, I should be in my car on the weekends, traveling, visiting people, shopping, living a normal life. Instead the minute I leave my office in the afternoon, my gut instinct and instant action is to go straight home. Now, I’ve always been a home-body , I’m not at all complaining about being told to stay at home. I do miss restaurants and shopping, but I’m far more concerned about my health and the health of my husband than going to get margaritas. What’s exhausting are the constant negative reports, the increasingly alarming death toll, and the nagging fear and worry that has been boiling up from the pit of my stomach for just the last two weeks alone. Not to mention the people who are “panic buying” supplies so now I am always scanning everything in the house wondering if I will be able to buy more of something when we eventually run out (I am actually in desperate need to hair conditioner this afternoon and don’t even want to go look in a store for some).

It’s strange to see streets so bare, stores and shops and restaurants closed, limited amounts of people allowed inside of the stores that actually are open, merchandise that has been re-stocked in the warehouse to make room for more essential items needed in homes. Nature has already started to reclaim parts of Cities and Towns that were once just a few weeks ago thriving with thousands of people. Strange times, indeed. But how much stranger will they get? How much longer will this last? How much worse will it get before it gets better?

I find myself trying to fill my time and my thinking with mindless tasks; Netflix, YouTube, Facebook, repetitive crafts, and last night was coloring in a coloring book. I find myself on the phone with my family more than usual, and being an introvert who doesn’t like having to be on the phone, that in itself is another kind of stress. I’ve spent a lot of time delicately crafting my “bubble” in my new home and distance and I’d quite like it to stay that way. I’m “ok” when I’m in that bubble. I’m safe.

Now it’s Friday, and I find myself thinking “What am I going to do tonight? Tomorrow? Sunday?” more than ever. Subconsciously I know it’s because I don’t have the freedom I normally would. My situation could be worse, financially as well as location and quality of life. I am in a really good place right now and for that I am incredibly grateful. I’m not going to sit here and complain or play the pity game, I have no reason to. But I will say, I’m just fucking exhausted. I still have my job (no I don’t interact with the general public, and I mostly work alone), I have a great home and husband, I have my pets (even if they drive me batshit crazy sometimes) and I have money. For all of that I am thankful.